I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Terrible idea I love it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
