If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
