just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
