I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
