South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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