At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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