i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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