ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
