Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
