You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ruined the universe
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
