D3 body, D1 cock
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
