what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The adults are the big ones right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
