After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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