well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
