we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Vodka?
Forever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
