The maid of honor just puked.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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