I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
