yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize