Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
