so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You pole danced in your parka.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
