His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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