i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
