I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
