Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
