Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
