Someone shit on the floor
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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