I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
