That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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