you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
