actually, I'm a sock model
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
