the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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