oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
