Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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