Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
