my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
