She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The Olympian is in my bed
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