he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
