Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
