Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
