Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
