So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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