she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
