a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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