I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
