let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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