Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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