there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
