Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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