you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
