I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
