I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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