hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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