What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
