I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
