I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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