ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
