So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
