Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
