i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
