Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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