my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
