Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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