pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
