Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the condom got lost in my hair
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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