i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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