Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
