when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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