im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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