Tell her she can't have a vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
