I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
