I wanna bring you to show and tell
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
