:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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