smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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