I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
