Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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