Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
