I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
