i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
