If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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