The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
