Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
