made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
