Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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