That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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