I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
