dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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