forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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