Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
