My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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