Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
