its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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