did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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