Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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