im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize