Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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