I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it glows. i had to have it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Still dying that you shit outside
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
